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Recent Movie Reviews

'inhaler' 'inhaler'

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Oh, dear God...

I'm kind of afraid to review this, all by my lonesome. But I'll try nonetheless.

So, to start it all off: I don't know what animation programs you were using and what type of process you used, whether it was just the regular, more to terms today type of animation where you just drawing it frame by frame on your computer or if it was the more authentic version of scrap paper and shipping it over to some Asian country to where the animation is actually done (but in this case, I guess you guys are the Asians). I know the whole point of the movie was to animate something in less than a day, but in 4 hours: a 25 second or less film that didn't even slightly raise my spirits? That's just relentless.

Once the man had sniffed the coffee cup up to his nose, I was expecting some type of punchline from the guy who was staring; watching this guy with a dead-eye look---eyes that could break your soul easy. So I watched for 3 seconds....4....5....okay, so it's at 6, bu- what the fuck just happened? That's it!? I just had as little emotion left in me as the two characters in this short.

Now, although the characters seemed to fail to emote something to me, they were kind of well drawn in this case. I don't know if the whole...what, wrinkled paper? look was what you were going for, but it seemed to add to the bland effect of the short.

Overall, I just wanted more. Now that I read your author's comments COMPLETELY, embarassingly enough, I see that you say this is only part of the animation. I'm not sure if that means there is more or whether you were just lying in general. Some may think my review is a little brutal considering that you're probably using (I'm hoping) a little more advanced things than just regular ol' Flash CSwhatever the hell they're at now. If your goal is to complete one in less than a day, then shouldn't you give yourself a little bit more time to clean it up a bit? You have another 20 hours to go...why not do a little bit of maid service?

Ham-head responds:

Thanks for the review. I'm sorry that you didn't like it. I made it by myself. It is a stand alone thing, my friends animated their own individual shorts. I'm sorry that you didn't understand the humour or stylistic choices. It was meant to be rushed because it was simply just a quick animation exercise we wanted to try, I wasn't looking for beautiful animation here. By the way, from your review it seems as though you have very little understanding of the use of animation for anything other than cheap jokes and internet humour. Sorry.

the Internet Pals the Internet Pals

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Can't say much at all.

...other than this is completely relevant to the revolving world going 'round and 'round. Myspace: forcefully dying. Facebook: making changes to be a well secured social media site. Google: trying to remake and become friends with Facebook without taking it's name (of course, if Google really wanted to be friends with Facebook without resorting to G+, they could always friend them on Facebook). Twitter and Youtube were both mentioned, but Twitter it's more to-the-point type of social media and Youtube is out there with

That's the thing though, you try to keep things relevant within your comedic animations and, in my eyes, that just ruins the fun of it. Yes, I got a few cackles out of the penis jokes (then again, who on newgrounds wouldn't), but other than that, it's just the same politically forward type of comedy over and over again whenever a thing that actually has to do with the world is discussed. See, it's kind of like the President of the U.S. right now, Obama. People bang down on him with all these useless political features that he's been trying to add to make America "a more suitable environment to live in," but most people actually see around all that and make a few black guy jokes here and there (sorry if I offend anybody, just putting a point across).

So yeah, to sum it all up: this little short, although grounded to reality if you're looking for something like that, comes up standing at my stomach of expectations, and all it's making that stomach do it churn, making it long for a few irrelevant knocks on the door of that sweet, sweet non-political media humor that, most people nowadays not only long for, but strive for; trying to recreate the humor in their own image. Where has that gone to?

Cheromanchequois Cheromanchequois

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Very good.

I have to say, overall, it was a very entertaining film. I wouldn't really say it's the humor that got to me, as much as it was the great artwork that caught my eye. I mean, most of the days now, I see various "famous" animators on this site just giving us the same old thing: a bunch of xeroxed talking heads and no action. I'm glad that this type of art isn't really dead.

Now, you might be wondering (and very much emphasis on might) "Why would you give me a 7/10 then?" To me, I have to also rank a movie's score by it's proper genre. I know that you're trying hard, but you're trying too hard to make it funny. Yeah, I chuckled when he mentioned that her father drives a Prius and then I saw one in the water at the end of the movie, but other than that, I think it was just a bunch of craziness that may've worked with such comical groups like Monty Python back in the 70s and 80s, but I don't think putting that type of comedic style in a cartoon pulls out the true potential of a wacky, no-plot type of comedy.

May I consider to you getting a writer? You've gotten all the right pieces (your programs for helping build up the animation, the great voice actors, etc), but you need to find someone that can really pull something out and bring everything down to one final punchline if you intend to stick to comedy most of the time. Cheers to your future efforts though. I think that your movies will be very enjoyable.

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Recent Game Reviews

Toast Scaring Obese Cook Toast Scaring Obese Cook

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Lucky lucky lucky.

A mini-game deserves a mini-review for what it's worth. I have to say, for what time was given, the game seemed very fun and actually well worth it. Somewhere along the way, though, knocking over the wine glass, turning the radio on, turning the sink on, etc., I realized that this process was getting kind of tedious, to say that least about it. Maybe make levels in it? You scared him out of one part of the kitchen, now onto the next part, and so on and so on until you finally get him so scared that he's in a corner convenientaly under a wine rack (same ending, yet different) to deliver the finishing blow? In other words, if this game team ever did provide a sequel to the actual game, a little expansion would be in order for it.

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Mother Judgement Mother Judgement

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Pretty good.

It's a very good game overall. It combines the basic concept of a "shoot 'em up" game, add a platformer, plus some totally fascist ideas to a game and you get this as a pure completion; or not so pure, considering the idea against it all. But I'm not going to review this based on my religious views rather than my official (or not so much) "gamer-type" views (as the politically correct term).

Well, it seemed like the story; the plot in it all just.....dropped. I mean, from the beginning, there wasn't really much of a base of the game as much there being said "Hey, here's our idea. Let's get this mother fucker done." I mean, a little more of an explanation in the matters of keeping the player tied in to the game itself is a little useful in some cases. Yes, I know; this entire "Getting back to the basics of games" thing (Mario Bros, Pacman, etc), but that's really pissing me off though. I want a game that's exhilerating, not one that just makes my head throb to even think about the story behind it all.

But to make up for the loss of a plot, you made it a very amusing game. The whole way that the game operates. A nun, going around just shooting every undead thing in sight. It's very entertaining. I don't really like the fact that the zombies actually have a very powerful attack force. I mean, there's freakin' tons of them things. You're literally out-numbered in the matter. From the beginning, the zombies have the advantage. It actually took me quite a while to even get past the first part.

Alas, this game be entertaing. Of course, this is a bunch of bias bullshit too. I'm really going against my religious views on this one....I think that there's going to be a place in hell reserved for me.

Nice one.

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Epic Battle Fantasy 3 Epic Battle Fantasy 3

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars


Now I won't have to go to Kongregate to play this any more.

Onto the actual review though...

Well, there's not a lot of glitches, obviously. I'm hoping that you checked this so many times over that it has been worked to perfection. You had a lot of spare time on your hands to create this magnificent piece of work. Nice touch adding all those in-game and also newgrounds-programmed medals.

Props to you, my good friend! You seem to be improving and putting more effort into each piece that you do. The simplicity of each level is great, but the design of the characters (NPCs and enemies included) just flat-out shocked me! The fact that you can fit your artwork and programming skills to make this son-of-a-bitch just amazes the hell out of me.

I can't forget the wonderful musician that helped you out! Big fan of your pieces, HFX! You just seem to put that eery, teary-eyed, yet exciting feel like any FF game there is! It all is amazing and I hope that you go deeper and further onto the wild blue yonder with these pieces of work!

This game is one of the best on Newgrounds. In fact, I could very well say it's the best there is! Yes, Punk-o-matic 2 and Toss the Turtle may have you beat, but not in my eyes. You have condensed everyone's ambitions of the FF series into this one game.

Cheers to this and your future projects!

Overall: 9/10, 5/5.

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Recent Audio Reviews

the Insult song (swearing) the Insult song (swearing)

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Very fun.

Just to put it blunt: it's one of the most brilliant, most stupid songs I've ever heard in my entire life. The happy vibe that the piano that I hear somewhere in the background puts out just adds to the fact of what kind of comedic value this piece of music is putting out. I enjoyed that fact that there are songs that are out there that still use a piano and you can actually hear it. Of course, this is me being a fellow piano musician.

Out of curiousity (I think I spelled that right), how long did it take you to compile that list of, not only swear words, but just plain insulting terms? Also, how many takes did you have to do before actually recording this all down to your terms of perfection? If only this song had a certain, real purpose to it; then I would've given it (probably) a perfect score.

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Stalagmite responds:

it took me about 3 hours to have this fully done =D and thanks ^W^ i don't strive to be perfect though, i just strive to be human and make people laugh"! -d thanks alot for your input dude! <3

lullaby for the loveless lullaby for the loveless

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars


I'm not the most virtuous fan of ambient music, so I don't know whether you should be respecting my opinion on this. To me, although it is required going with the genre, it's way too soft throughout almost 2/3 of the piece (up to the 2:00 minute marker to be exact). It started to pick up a tune; a string of nature's wind blowing along on a very thing thread across the area. In other words, yes, the wonderful peace in this piece made up the fact of it sounding like a weird melodious fixture of some sorts. Hm...strange. I've never really heard myself put the term "melodious" into a negative term.

You tried very hard, so I guess I'm just being generous a little bit. And the fact that it made me relax for a little while; just slowing the world down a bit for me. I needed this, so thanks---a LOT.

Garden Eden Garden Eden

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

It's good.

It flowed perfectly and it would get anyone away from their stress. Good job.

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Semaphore responds:

thank you very much FourSwordsKing

Recent Art Reviews

June June

Rated 5 / 5 stars


Court declares that she is checked, assholes! If the defendant's testimony serves true, you are forced to service of 10 years of kick-ass art!

Phoenix Wright jokes aside, this was overall pretty damn good. Her pose, itself, just seems a bit awry. It makes it seem like...idk what to put of it. It just isn't natural...but hence it's a cartoon, I'll just let it pass and get on to some other matters.

So is she bow-legged or can she not put her legs together that close for fear that her penis will show through?

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Ucogi maid outfits Ucogi maid outfits

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

you know she likes...

F out of all of them. It ought to be true. well, anyway, the art was overall pretty damn good. maybe you should go into anime porno buisness....or not, whichever one you think.

Sucks to be Luigi: Link+Daisy Sucks to be Luigi: Link+Daisy

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Very good.

I have to say, you are very good at what you do. Although you're used to things like gay jokes, all that yada yada bullshit, you should really try out a job as a cartoonist for a newspaper. You just have to work on your jokes being more PC (Politically Correct).

I'm not sure if it's just the way of the cartoonist, but I was thinking that you should've just traced the last two panels (for Link and the background) over the original one that you did. Just a suggestion.